Saturday, May 7, 2011
Mr. E's....Collectables Kitchen Drawer
The Man Draw
Sunday, January 16, 2011
A curved piece of flex steel from an underwire bra recently came into my
possession after having been found in the dryer. I was not sure what it was
but Looking surprisingly like some lock picking tool one sees in movies,
it¹s obviously too potentially useful in some unforeseen emergency to simply
be discarded. So it goes into the Man Draw.
The man draw is not an assigned kitchen draw, it is any draw that is left
over after all other draws have been assigned. And, a man will enquire
tentatively if this draw is being used. Once confirmed that it is not part
of the overall kitchen plan, a man will then claim it and pronounce it his
³Man Draw² In this draw man will keep all the items that he will potential
need to protect his family and cope with any unforeseen emergency in which
his masculine survival skills will be put to the test.
In the man draw there are light bulbs, (not confirmed to be working,) of
indeterminate type for indeterminate fixtures, a flashlight which gives off
a dim glow if hit and shaken. The draw also contains a variety of pencils
all of which are worn to a nub together with several ball point pens, not
working, and a dried up felt pen. String, elastic bands and the top off
Man will keep any and all keys for unknown doors and locks, and also a
padlock that ironically is missing it¹s keyS Somehow in mans mind keys can
not be thrown away so they are kept with the unusable padlock in some kind
of male logic.
Men generally know that batteries never die. ³I am certain that battery is
not totally dead, I¹ll change it now but later I will put it on a tester².
The fact that there is no battery tester in the house doesn¹t deter the
keeping of the ³yet to be confirmed² dead batteries .
There are instructions for appliances that have long ago been discarded and
an old cell phone with no charger cord.
There are several short connector leads with red, yellow and white plugs
that were left over after some unit was installed and working. The unit in
question is now probably gone but the connectors look too good not to retain
a place in the man draw. There are various denominations of currencies.
I have, Cypriot shillings , piastres or grosia coins amounting to almost a
Cypriot Pound (The pound is no longer legal in Cyprus having been replaced
by the Euro about 5 years ago but that is a minor detail for the man draw
where no money can ever be thrown away. I have Allen wrenches from Ikia
that were unique to the Blomgrut Bookcase but look far too useful to be
discarded. There is a section for coupons, $2.00 of a giant box of Tide if
purchased before November 1st 1998. $1.00 of a Turkey dated Christmas 2005.
But the man draw is more than a simple draw, this is a place where man will
turn in any emergency. Men will go to their draw on occasions just to check
³Yes we have birthday candles for the cake. I think these last three left in
the package will be enough don¹t you.²
³Yes, we have clue of every type and can effectively stick everything to
everything when needed²
³Yes we have a screwdriver, it¹s a tiny one from a cracker, for fixing
glasses, but I think it will work ²
³Yes we have scotch tape. The old shiny kind, everyone hates²
³I¹m OK for sticky back felt to go under stone pots, if any one needs any²
But the need for access to the supplies in the man draw run much deeper than
women imagine. This need goes back through millennia. After the men went
off killing the dinosaur, then we were expected to drag the bloody thing
³OK boys, a good job on the hunting and killing, There is an extra prime
rib for anyone who has got some rope²
³Yes. me got ropeS me got rope back in man draw²
It¹s fascinating how the evolution of the species would favour those with
the right stuff in their man draw at the right time.
But as much as this is ingrained in men, there is more going on with the man
draw in today¹s world.
You may ask.........Why do men like to watch Bond or Bourne MoviesS. The
answer is that they are practice for all the emergencies and challenges that
could possibly befall us and be sent to test our urban masculine survival
skills. To say nothing of the potential for impromptu romance.
Here for you. is a deep dark secret from the Male Gender that gets to the
root of the need for a man drawS
All men live with the fantasy that one day the phone will ring and there, on
the line, will be the sexy, husky voice of a young woman.
In her exotic accent, She will breathlessly tell us that she is being held
captive and that only we can secure her release. As she begs us to help,
her voice tells us of the gratitude and rewards that await.
She than gives the instructions we must followS
³You must go to the house where you lived in 1992 and enter by the side
³Yes, Yes, I can do that²
Take a dim flashlight with you that only works intermittently²
³OK, Got it²
³ There you will meet a man, He must be paid in Drachmas, preferably in
small denomination coins but he will take turkey Vouchers too²
³He will be carrying a circa 1998 Sunbeam ToasterS you must give him
instructions on it¹s use and warrantee²
³Done, done, Is that it²
³One more thing, he will want 4 run-down, not quite dead, AAA batteries²
³4, yes. Ok²
³I know these are impossible demands, but you must hurry, my life depends on
And we fade to black when, after a quick rummage in the man draw, our hero
heads off into the nightSSS.. muttering ³Better take some one sided sticky
felt and a bra underwire/ lock picking tool, just in caseS.²
So the lesson is to remember to never call that draw in the kitchen The
³Junk² draw. Preserve the sanctity of the Man Draw.
...Who knows when someone may need to be rescued...
Posted by MaxTeichman at 12:11 PM